Here are two simple steps you can take towards empowering yourself:
Step 1: Remove toxic energy from your life.
Step 2: Own your shit.
Let me explain.
My mind has been racing non-stop for the last 12 hours. I’ve just known that I’m on the verge of something big – some sort of breakthrough. And guess what?
It happened.
A week ago I ended a long term relationship that, while I loved the person, was extremely toxic. As a result, last night was another restless night in a string of restless nights lying in bed, staring at the clock, and wondering when the uneasy feeling flowing throughout my body would finally dissipate. I was wide awake until 1 am, slept soundly until 3 am, and have been up ever since.
But surprisingly, this uneasy feeling wasn’t one of loss or heartbreak. Let me describe to you what it felt like when I was trying to fall asleep at night:
It felt like I was waiting.
You know that deep mixture of anxiety and anticipation that occurs when you’re waiting for something to happen?
Waiting to find out if you got that dream job?
Waiting to receive medical test results?
Waiting to see if he’ll call? Or text message? Or email? Or Facebook you?
Just. Waiting.
That’s what I’ve felt for the last week, every single night. And honestly, it’s been exhausting, because deep in my gut I’ve known that nothing external would satisfy the uneasiness. There is no dream job I’ve been waiting to hear about. There are no test results I’m waiting to receive. And while there is a person I spend countless hours waiting to hear from, deep in my core I knew that speaking to him would only provide temporary relief. He’s not the solution. I’ve made that mistake before. Too many times.
No. I knew that whatever I was waiting for was deeply internal. There was some breakthrough that needed to occur, some answer I needed to uncover. And it finally happened. At 3 am. On my yoga mat. As I lie there wide awake and wondering how I was functioning on such little sleep.
This may sound ridiculous, but the breakthrough came in the form of a vision of what the relaunch of my business website should look like. You see, I’ve been having a really hard time with the entire look and feel of my website and personal brand. In short: It’s not me. I see the photos of a person wearing a business suit and I want to cringe. I see all the marketing lingo and jargon and my stomach twists.
Seriously? Yes, it’s me. But it isn’t really ME.
Well, all of a sudden this morning everything came together. I now understand exactly what I need to do – what the images need to look like, what colors I need to use, who my audience is, what to write about, how to serve my readers, and how to bring the most value to those that need my help.
I finally understand why I’ve felt completely paralyzed with my entire coaching business model.
But it doesn’t stop there. With this realization came several other calls to action for my life: How I need to handle my relationships. How I need to make these changes to my business happen. How to rebuild my life after 3 years of living out of a suitcase.
It sounds crazy, but this one little mental shift truly set me free. I feel like I’ve just been released from an epic battle I’ve been fighting for years. And in many ways, I have: Remove one overly toxic relationship, and free up a ton of energy to start living more authentically.
Now that deep sense of waiting feels like excitement. Like I can’t wait to speak to my web designer. Like I can’t wait to get back to writing my books. Like I can’t wait to start revamping my business… revamping my relationships… revamping my life. But “can’t wait” because I’m READY – not “can’t wait” because I’m scared.
So that’s it. I feel more alive after two hours of sleep then I have in a very, very long time.
I’m ready to take the next step; it’s scary, but for the first time in a long time, IT FEELS RIGHT.
Do you want to know how I KNOW it’s right?
Because I really don’t give a shit what anybody has to say about it: This is what I’m doing. I no longer feel like I need approval to live my life.
And that feels AWESOME.
So be prepared to see a lot of changes to this site over the next few weeks… months… who knows. I don’t want to put the pressure of a timeline on things. But changes are going to slowly occur as I allow a more authentic version of myself to flow onto the pages of this blog. You may have already noticed changes on my Facebook page. One small step in the right direction.
Before I end this entry, I’d like to take a moment to do something I’ve never done before. I’d like to introduce myself:
Hi. My name is Victoria. I call myself a life coach, a writer, a yoga therapist, and sometimes, “The Butterfly.”
I love ice cream, Disney World, traveling, long walks anywhere, and Indian food.
I’m kind of a dork. Most of the time – all the time.
In my life, I’ve done the following random things:
Served in the military as a Lieutenant. Spent a summer as a drill instructor. Been a cover model for a calendar. Owned a gourmet mini-pie business. Driven a ship through the Panama Canal. Gone barefoot for 3 months living on the beaches of Northern Brazil. Taught a yoga class in Uruguay. And house-sat for a 52-acre ranch on the plains of Southern Colorado for 6 months.
I’m a peaceful warrior, and have spent my life battling epic emotional, mental, and physical battles.
I’ve overcome a heart condition, severe asthma, an autoimmune disease, an eating disorder (and all the various side effects associated with it), and depression.
My hearts been broken, beaten, and burned several times. I’ve been through divorce, family dysfunction, and suffered the wrath of verbal abuse and codependency.
But none of these situations define me. Throughout all the turmoil, I’ve always found the inner strength to stand up, brush myself off, and display the scars from my vulnerability with pride. These wounds do not define me. They give me character. The give me strength. They show my courage.
And the thing I am most proud of is that I’ve still managed to remain a dork.
I’m a life coach, but that doesn’t mean I have all the answers. It means I own my shit and that I can help you own yours – and then, I’ll help you move forward from it. We’re in this crazy thing together.
Not to be cliche or anything, but I’m going to close this entry with the word “Namaste.” Not because I’m some ridiculous hippie yoga freak. But because it’s truly appropriate.
Namaste means: “The light that shines in me reflects the light that shines in you and we honor each other.”
I am a vibrant light, and every day that I live and speak my truth, that vibrant light grows stronger and stronger. For the past several years, I’ve let that inner light dim from the toxicity of people around me.
But NO MORE. It’s time for my vibrant light to shine – and it’s time for YOUR vibrant light to shine.
Because together, we can burn this place up.
So empower yourself by removing toxic energy from your life and by owning your shit. I’ve taken back control of my life, and I no longer feel stuck. Will you join me?
Namaste.
-V
