It seems to come out of nowhere: One day you’re able to make your partner happy, and the next day you’re sitting on the edge of your couch, head in your hands, tears rolling down your face, wondering: “What am I doing wrong?”
You start to think about the past few weeks… months… years… and you slowly start to realize that this situation has actually been escalating for longer then you care to admit. In fact, you can’t even remember the last time you were able to make your partner happy.
It suddenly becomes clear to you that your relationship has been in a constant cycle of ups and downs, and that no matter how you try to “fix” the situation, nothing seems to work.
You’re exhausted, and when you look in the mirror, you can’t even recognize yourself anymore.
Then, it happens; for just a brief moment you admit to yourself something that you’d never dare to verbalize to another human being:
You admit to yourself that, “I’m not happy.”
The first time the thought crosses your mind, you try to dismiss it; you feel guilt and shame for even letting yourself THINK you’re unhappy. But as the weeks go by and nothing changes in the relationship, that little voice slowly creeps back up and whispers once again: “I’m not happy.”
Which leads you to another slew of questions about your roll in the breakdown of the relationship. Which leads you into another cycle of trying to fix things, and feeling like a failure when it doesn’t work.
Everyone has a breaking point, and eventually that whisper about your own unhappiness turns into an internal scream that can no longer be ignored.
And this is the moment when you have a choice:
“Do I stay or do I move on?”
To help you make this decision, here are 5 warning signs that you’re on the verge of losing yourself in your relationship:
- You feel exhausted all the time: Whenever you see your partner, you’re dancing on eggshells. You have to think about every single word that comes out of your mouth, and how it’s going to affect the other person. You’re constantly trying to find ways to keep your partner happy, and to prevent a blow up. Do you see how much energy it’s taking for you to just be with this person? Is it no wonder you feel completely drained?
- You spend 95% of your day worrying about the other person, and the other 5% wondering what you did wrong: You wake up thinking about how you can make your partner happy. You spend all day coming up with ways to make your partner happy. You fall asleep wondering why you couldn’t make your partner happy. Your productivity at work and home is suffering because you’re devoting all your mental efforts to making your partner happy. Yeah… So how’s that working out for you?
- You don’t know what you’re interested in anymore: You don’t feel passionate about or compelled towards anything or anyone. Things that used to interest you no longer seem exciting. Overall, you feel dull and unmotivated. This one is a red flag that you may be spiraling towards depression.
- Your personal growth and career have been at a standstill since the relationship started: In fact, you may feel like you’ve gone backwards since the relationship started. All of your time, and mental and emotional resources are going into sustaining your relationship. How could you possibly be focused on your own growth?
- You’ve lost all of your close friends, and feel completely disconnected from the world around you: People don’t even invite you out anymore. They’ve stopped asking because you always say no; something always comes up to prevent you from going, and that something usually revolves around your relationship.
You’ve probably heard the famous quote by Albert Einstein about the definition of insanity:
“Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Well, the bottom line is that you can’t take responsibility for your partner’s happiness; it is up to THEM to uncover why they’re unhappy and to act accordingly.
But, you CAN take responsibility for your own happiness.
So the next time you hear that little voice whispering in your ear, “I’m not happy,” try taking Mr. Einstein’s advice:
Do something – ANYTHING – different.
Have you ever been in this situation? Did you stay or did you move on? Share your experience in the comments below!
